For You

Come inside and share my love. I have never shared my love before. I
have never been in love. I do not open up to many. When I do, I just
get stabbed in my soft parts. I wear a shell around my heart made of
stone and I discard it when I am alone with you. Where did this hard
man came from and how he can be so cold on the outside. It is because
I have not had a dream in a long time. See this life I have had can
make a good man turn bad. So please, please, please let me get what I
want this time. Lord knows it would be the first time. There is a warm
man on the inside.

When you said you cared, it touched my soul. No one has ever cared
enough to say so. It touches my soul. I hope there will never be
another. I meet many and as I get to know them, they begin to believe
they know me better than I know myself. I back off and would rather
not know them at all. I want you to know me better than I know myself
just as I would like to get to know you.

Let's not put faith in marriage and simply believe in us. It is not a
piece of paper or a ring that are the bonds of love, it is you and I.
Believe in the future and do not look back; the past is no friend of
ours. I believe in children because they are the future. Marriage is
for children. Until then I will be your hopeless romantic.

billbill, 1997

All has not been what it seems

The townsman was puzzled by the mirror. No matter how hard and long he
looked at it, he couldn't tell which side was real and which side was
the imitation. What he did know was the one he watched had a
reflection of himself and the world around him and found it very
gratifying since these images were proof of his existence. So, he
decided that the reflection was his world instead of the world that he
lived in.

As he stared into the mirror, it glowed and its reflection changed
absorbing him into its reality. In this other reality, his
imperfections were gone. Time lost its meaning since everything ceased
to age. In triumph and self-glorification, he lived out his fantasies
unchallenged by life as he once knew it.

Upon detaching himself from the reality of the mirror, he saw that the
world around him had changed while he had not, as if life had somehow
passed him by. Confused, he closely inspected the images in the mirror
noticing that they were neither reality nor a reflection of it.
Instead, his TV displayed a crude mockery of his world on a stage with
him as its naive audience. He resigned himself to ponder how he could
have ever been fooled by such a cheap imitation of life with all of
the wonders that the real world had to offer.

Texas Pilot in a Time Capsule

I am anybody in a crowd of people in the middle of nowhere

Games people play not wanting to play not wanting to give in just to be somebody

Holding on to what is left behind from a past never to return

Friction of the environment wears away what is left

Always afraid to be nobody

Dreams do come true

Hubris risk and folly

I'll love you again tomorrow. Today is a bit too soon. I need you, but
some of the things I saw, the scale and depth of sin city, the
organized criminal nature of it all, made me sad that such a place and
life exists. Especially that you're familiar with it. As friends and
lovers does that mean I'm there too. Am I naively straying into
treacherous waters that and stormy weather. Shall my ship ever capsize
pray I won't be stranded on such corrupt shores. Pray a real love will
will eclipse the insane risks that abound.

Aquarius Risings!

Michael Lutin Apr 27, 2010

AQUARIANS!

Aquarius Risings!

And Everybody else,too,

because we all have Aquarius somewhere on our charts:

This next ten month period will be probably

one of the great turning points in your life.

Talk about a crazy gamble!

For an astrologically technical reason

this position of Uranus at the end of Pisces

makes the area of the horoscope

where Aquarius falls

(as well as Pisces, of course)

a special hot spot.

Strange turns of events

and last minute mind-blowing reversals

will mark the area forever when you look back upon it.

Nobody can predict this one.

It's just a total roll of the dice.

Strength

Somehow I emerge from the fog of the past month. I'm not out of the
hole yet, but at least my hands are on the rung of the ladder. With a
bit of strength and resolve, I can be back on my feet, both planted
firmly on the ground in June. What matters is how I manage my liasons.
The first is the one I have made the most of, and why I'm still in the
hole. I'd like to be there, but I can't afford to care like I want to,
barring a miracle save. Yet, the affection is real, and I love it. My
distraction is travel to the place of angst from a previous life of
mine. Time to see how far I've traveled and if I can stomach the
reality of being associated with a life and people I ran from over 10
years ago. The strength I need is to settle down and take life as it
comes, and not force it wasting my time and money in the process.
Somehow figure out how to make quality time and people, instead of
wasting time on people.

Bitter Rain

My extended team is a bunch of biased brain dead bureaucrats, including me. I am in the midst of a long crawl out of my own hole. I am a mess. A selfish, impulsive, greedy lunatic. It seems like any thing I do taxes me 200 percent, leaving me with half as much cash. My obsession with women is stupid. Are they creatures or people? Do they care or dare? I feel like a fool and loser with no confidence lacking ease which keeps me at the mercy of my libido and parasitic better half. I wonder how I am going to survive the next 10 days? Paradise may follow. But at what cost?

Goals met goals set, unfulfilled without any progress or gain

Financials goals not met, material goals set and met. The combination has left me broke yet fulfilled I kept a commitment to myself, to receive an international shipment of my household goods. There are still steps I must take to complete the process. My endless stumbling and bumbling around here, and escaping elsewhere almost put that plan in jeopardy, thus broke. A let down after the fact was losing my wallet and cancelling my credit card. Yet that is a wake up call and a blessing in disguise. The wake up call is I need to settle down, and if I make a mistake no one will help me. The blessing in disguise is that without my credit card, I can't spend more money than I have even though I'm broke.

I must travel abroad to process customs. I invited my family but that seems to be opportunistic on my spouses behalf. Always eager to take advantage of something that someone can do for her. The pressure is still on, and I want it to stop. The trip is meant to process customs, which even she can't help me with, but taking advantage of it for the opportunities sake. And now planning to reform our condominium. Again, what is the end game for stabilizing our home. Will I get any more leeway in regards to privacy and usage of the entire home? I doubt it. A lot of effort and a lot to spend, yet also a lot of feeling continually used and no love, respect or any way out. Goals met goals set, feeling extremely unfulfilled lacking any real progress or gain.

About time to retire young

When do we realize we've gotten older. I imagine when friends begin to pass away. Sometimes we'll hardly know they are gone. Silence isn't always golden, especially when you know its not someone forever. But when the time eventually arrives, abruptly and pertinent, we either don't know nor care. Being remembered and dreamt of may be what its all about. Now back to that retirement and living life like its forever. sign

Final Curtain

Michael Lutin - Pisces March 2010

Well, this is it! The final curtain. The last degrees of the last sign of the Zodiac. While the coming weeks are more crucial for those born between the 17th and 20th of March, every member of your noble sign is experiencing the oddest mixture of emotions you may ever feel.

If you have been having any health issues since around Christmastime, now is the moment to recoup your energy, take some positive action and move ahead. It is certainly easy for friends, coworkers and loved ones to say to you (especially if they know astrology), "Mars is moving forward. Get off your butt. Get on the stick! Get going!"

What they don't know is that you are tired, no, REALLY tired. Not just I-need-a-vacation tired, but exhausted, totally frayed, utterly fried, nerves on edge, fed up and feeling as if you are being dragged along on some wave you have to fight to keep from being overcome by. This is a kind of cosmic exhaustion, occurring to those who look around them and see just how stupid and ridiculous everything in this world really is. Oh, there's a job, and relationship and kids and money we're programmed to chase after, but at this point, everything bores you. Everything seems like an absolutely preposterous waste of time and energy. It's not exactly a depression. Rather, it is a profound disillusion with all the rainbows people chase after.

If you're one of those few Pisceans who lack the spiritual perspective or the foresight not to get enmeshed, hung up and attached to all the absurd baubles, bangles and beads and foolish pursuits of Earthlings, then, yes, you're probably going to be feeling pretty crappy these days. But it's not too late to join the greater number of your fellow Pisceans who have been able to throw themselves totally into whatever they were doing, completely immerse themselves, take on a total identity, be totally in the moment and still be Zen enough to be able to walk away with a tear in their eye and love in their heart.

And that's exactly what you have to do now. Immerse yourself completely and stand apart at the same time.