Wishing on a star

Looks like my angst about my vacation getting denied is gone. 3 weeks
before they arrive. I wrote her 3 more long messages about Japan and
Africa. I should write a book... really.

I may post them here if I find the time to correct all the grammatical
mistakes and open myself to criticism for the strong opinions and
generalizations I expressed about my journeys.

I'm getting desperate to meet someone, and am trying to be strong. I
don't how those other guys do it, just walking up to a girl
introducing themselves and making a date. How to do it, what to say,
what to do, when to do it...

She posted a picture of a black guy in China on Facebook. It was meant
for me. He was from Boston and I got that strange jealous feeling like
I should be the only man in her life. Then I got a grip and realized
she's a professional and must have many colleagues. But the guy was
from Mass like me, and also in Asia. But I felt it strange to be
associated with him, because Japan is not China, and so on. Well, I
wrote my letters explaining so much about Japan that I think there
won't be a doubt about what this place is like, and not like China.

Nice to have her to think about though. Even now, just the fact that
I'm expressing myself is like a mental log jam broke. I just wish that
log jam would break in my actual life.

I've avoided the gym and gone straight home to cook 3 days in a row.
Watching movies that I can't finish, jumping straight into a video
game until I have the courage to attempt sleep. I couldn't sleep, woke
up after only 1 hour and started working. 4am, got tired woke up late
as usual.

Would it be different if I had a partner? I imagine so,... first of
all any affection would be like a fantasy come true. Any love would
help me sleep. Or maybe I'd marathon 'do it' until the morning.

Considering heading to the countryside this weekend. Why not... I've
gone almost 45 weeks without leaving the city, and that is a ballpark
figure not even thinking about it. But it may be more. I know because
I traveled down South a 3-day weekend in July of last year, and its
already the end of June. (sigh, just escape this place man... before
my mom gets here) but I know I won't... she'll be here soon. I hope I
heal by then, during her visit... make me feel better like only mom
can.