Day 53-46

Day 53 Jan 18 I went after partying all night and missing work too. Was on call but didn't get any, but I made sure I went out again. Day 52 stayed home again but made sure I went by the JR. Day 51 I went again and met Tom to go to Hooters. We went to a dance club which was kind of empty but nice. At the end I met someone really nice but made sure I made the last train since I was on call. Day 50 Friday I went back to follow up with my new friend. Well there was an unofficial day 49 for Saturday. Left my gear at the gym and had to pick it up feeling great.

I only went Mon 48 and met her again on Thursday with no affect, but really nice. Kept it simple and skipped Friday, Sat, Mon. Tue 47 and Wed 46 (today), back at it feeling strong even though I'm behind schedule.

Days 57-54

Day 57 I made it to the gym again, did upper and lower body, 1 hour of cardio, protein then Iseya after work.
Day 56 I did an hour of cardio, the session seem to go by faster and faster.
Day 55 I had a very long session, of 1 full hour of weights that may have set the standard. And a full hour of cardio. After that I began my weekend of fun, but the weeks efforts left me quite exhausted and I fell asleep early. Sunday my day off I was still very sleepy and fell asleep early. I ate and drank a lot.

Monday, Day 54 the Harajuku gym was closed. So I walked with this nice lady named Ana, mixed Swedish and Korean, to the Ometesando branch which I haven't been to in over a year. Since Harajuku was closed it was very crowed. I met some guys I knew but haven't seen in a while, who acted disappointed I changed gyms, but that was it, I don't like being conscious of people looking over my shoulder when I worked out. The machines are different at this club so it took some conscious consideration to choose my exercises. The cardio went by pretty quickly when doing some reading, either time flies or I read really slow. I met the guy Victor who visited my office a month ago and he finally recognized me as someone he met at the gym. I shortcut my cardio workout by about 15 minutes, to 45 minutes. When leaving there was a line of about 10 people waiting for an open locker; the first time I've ever seen them all taken at once.

Following that I went to Baobab which had a guy there, who clown me about teenage daughters. Rude. Beer, plus jerk Chicken as usual, but it I feel contrived as a customer. Wanted to eat bread and cheese bought some wine. At home Thai curry was available, reluctantly ate some, then bread cheese wine, listened to the Rolling Stones and watched the Flintstones before bed. Had a wild long dream I can hardly remember, woke up early, went back to sleep and woke up late. Did laundry and left for work without hanging them out.

Tonight's plan to go to Harmonica, or someplace more people friendly, someplace I won't feel like a prop. Also relief from the cold weather that continues to get on my nerves.

Day 58

55 min treadmill
Recovery protein drink, beer jerk chicken Baobab

Cash on hand 3000 Expendable 30000

Day 59

4 sets of shoulders chest squat thighs
1 hour treadmill
88 kilograms

Recovery: Aretha Franklin Amazing Grace. Beer plus two yakitori at Iseya

Cash on hand: 5400 Expendable: 30000

A month from now, before and after (not my pic)

A month or so from now I hope and imagine I'll finally be in a different zone. Corny as it may sound, my horoscope says so. Well, it would be all of us in one way or another. The difference regarding mine is the change looks damn positive. Even at the home stretch, and man it really is a stretch, I am coming out of debt. I put on about 8 kilograms over the holidays, that is about 20 pounds. Shocking went shopping and I couldn't fit what I wanted. I was busy over the holidays and ate and drank more than usual. Now I face a month of working out and trying to get back into fighting shape. Good news is that I finally got a locker at the gym. That has been an excuse not to go having to lug my laptop around all the time, along with my gym gear. I wonder if I'm going to be able to work out as often as I like, as often as I should. The weather is pretty dry and cold, and simply looking forward to the spring and being in good shape is some great motivation. I've been wanting to take a decent before and after picture. However those picture will be incomplete if it doesn't incorporate and include the sense of renewal and confidence I expect to go with it.

Hibernation

The Dec 10 lunar eclipse was beautiful and epic. Now the winter solstice is upon us; Thursday December 22nd 0530. I plan to go to the Shinto shrine, pray, make an offering and ring the bell. My way of ringing in the New Year on Earth's natural holiday. This year I hope, with no definite certitude, to be pious reserved serious and focused. Hibernate my way through the next 3-months and wake up next March optimistic and happy. My routine may often seem like a waste of time, yet I'm welcomed in this superflous community that I orbit around. I'll pop my head in every now and then with minimal angst fulfilling the basic social needs we all have. At home I have a bit of pressure to deliver aimless adventures outside of town which I should be able to manage well. Early January I will stay at a cabin at Kawaguchiko near Mt. Fuji, again in mid-February too. Actually I need that very badly. I haven't left the Tokyo metro area in a year and a half, handicapped by the expense of rebuilding my home, while very comfortable, should have been since I haven't been able to go anywhere. After March I will be able to travel abroad with ease. 3-months feels like a long time, but if I diet, train at the gym and study, March will be even more rewarding. Of course I'll be letting my guard down passively cruising through life, so I'll add one more prayer, "please please please let me get what I want this time" (Ref: The Smiths).

Happy New Year!

Rage against reason

No fun at home. An insult by me injured her pretty severely. Kids are affected and begging me to make up for it. But that is what's going on. I can't say anything, do anything. I was wrong for what I said and did. But my reaction is just a frustration with passive aggressive manipulation. To do something nice for her just leads to more p-a behavior. I'm pretty bad too, and took advantage of a bad situation after that making it worse. Cold war without remorse, such an unbearable relationship. Life is too short to be so unhappy for so long.

Ogre, kind of true

....ruled by Neptune and Neptune NEVER allows you to stay mad forever. Could that be the damned reason that even after you've mustered up all your courage and dared to confront the ogre who has been oppressing you, you still get the idea that you should go on feeling compassionate and make nice? (but about being made forever, I don't think so... won't be that stupid)

Phew

Test results negative. Step one complete.
Step two, a real physical. I got the details just need to schedule.
Step 3, settle my taxes.
Step 4, settle my debt.

Fear angst wait

Made the trip to visit. Can't imagine the result of the test, can only fear it. Hope that a week from now I'll be treated well. Like having a baby and knowing if it will be a boy or a girl. The difference is that in this will learn how long will live or soon die. And is love forever lost, or on the horizon with a lot more confidence.