Break on through

Exit Vortex. Break on through to the other side.

What a wild ride it has been a whole two months since the Big D. 

First we signed. Then I feared that I wouldn't be able to make a move and until when. Seemed like the fleeting weekend time would eventually lead to full times together. 

First came Christmas Eve and the winter soltice that we spent together. First to for Mexican Food in Hiroo, then Diana Vreeland at Roppongi Hills. I spent the evening with her, and reunited for Monte's Christmas party and stayed overnight at the APA. 

New Years we met a famous couple like a lightning bolt of fate that struck without warning. Well per my previous fears she suddenly was obsessed with them right at the same moment I arrived, as if eclipsed by life itself never to be worthy of anything I ever set my mind to.

This led straight into New Years until Yumiko's visit on Feb 1st. She invited Yumiko to Chicago to meet our new famous friends which made me believe it was true where her heart suddenly was at a moments notice. However the week prior she went off the hook with her friends. I was very suspicious. Yumiko showed up during her visit but upon return she left me wondering once again, but this time my suspicions might have been unfounded. But leading up to all this I couldn't help but feel like I'm just a stepping stone even though I gave up everything, albeit prematurely and ultimately unnervingly so, to be with her.

Basically, not even two months together and not a great start. Now it feels like the burden is on me to deliver, and her to benefit just waiting to take advantage of simply landing in the U.S. and disappearing using my own time with my family to get lost with her friends, both long time and new-found... not much to look forward to. 

I wonder if I would be better off just getting my own place and being ready to meet someone new. She really loves me, just how she moves about is so disconcerting.

To care is to fret, and to not care is to give her all the freedom she wants. Either way she seems like the type of person who gets what she wants, no matter what the cost.