After all the ups and downs of my recent adventure, maybe it is time to reflect. A passionate fling, but one with a lot of questions, and obvious things to wonder. First, how my good friend consistently depricates my relationships. As if he's wiser and better than me even at things I do and has nothing to do with. Very apt that it was during my time with her that his tripwire was set. Transperent nonsense and an obvious rift that will engulf him if he ever trespass again without caution. However, there many things that have been said since then, and when they were there is no doubt it was behind my back. He'll keep digging but that is his hole, not mine... I still remember how I knew not prolong the previous relationship or mix it up with the tall beautiful blonde on his return.
As for the others. The first was possesive, obsessive and trying to catch a man without any plan. She was demanding trying to force my obsession. I know that people see me as weak and meek. Is kindness always a suspect for weakness? Turning over every stone trying to get her claws into my personal life as if to expose me in front of people who really know and love me. As if to say, look, I'm here, and you're not. I know about him, and you don't right now. Pretty obvious. But I wouldn't risk her deliberately getting off the pill, and allowing me to lose everything I have and giving her that power over me. Well that was a very scary thought and why I knew to blow her off. Imagine if I was dumb enough to share this blog with her?
The second was an older kind of desperate for something type of a creature. She calls, and sends messages, like why don't you call me. Later finding out she got my phone number from my friend, then act like I was too drunk to remember me giving it to her. Well at least she eventually told me. The entire time I felt like I wasn't interested. And even after she let me spend a night at her place, I still wasn't interested. Even less so.
The culmination of these two experiences,... "Fun not Forever". Right now I feel as if I've shaken off a lot of bad memories and feelings. I really have hope and want to meet someone else sooner or later. I feel that I will get it right, at the right time, in the right way. Faith, hope, love. Not neccessarily in that order, whatever order suits the future, and leads to fulfillment of all three.
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