Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Pushcart War

A couple of weeks of ups and downs. Hope and angst. Friends and gossip. Fear and love. A push cart war. The rules by the big and brave eclipsing the small and nimble. I remember that book well. Even as an adolescent I knew what it meant. How the powerful truckers exerted their will on the pushcart vendors. Well now much older and wiser, and in a totally different world, these past few weeks seem very similar, but in a much more personal way. My subconscious mind suddenly remembered the book today. Well to put it as lightly as possible, yet share the feeling that dominate me at the moment... here it is.

My good friend, a giant of a talented musician suddenly introduced me to a woman on a Sunday evening. Call it her whim or his plan, she started to immediately fancy me. Well obviously surprised I got a bit excited and when realizing she couldn't pay her bill, I stepped up, and left with her and her friends. I left my backpack which my friend came to deliver. However, my hasty decision to pay her bill left me broke. A Sunday night without any money for the rest of the week and work the next day until payday Friday never mind a hotel room, so I chose not to spend the evening with her. She wouldn't return my calls after that.

I partied with my other friend the following weekend, wallet fat with cash. This friend told me that my musician friend told him that I didn't do what I was supposed to do. Even though I hadn't spoken to him since that day. My birthday approached and I deliberately avoided the local scene due to lack of privacy and lack of respect. I can tell that in my absence the topic of conversation was about my personal business and that I really don7t want to be around these people.

The pushcart war is how my friend who dominates the scene setting the stage of disappointment at my feet. I had a couple of other dates leading up to my birthday all while trying to avoid the scene. But I know I'll have to answer to it, with the subtle drama of silence on my part and lack of respect of anyone around there. Like no matter what I say, they'll already have the story of what they think of me, and what I think in general, even though they really don't have a clue of who I am or where I am coming from. Sign

No comments: