Say goodbye tonight

I made my move. A good one and bad one. A fiercely irresponsible weekend playing with fire, getting burnt now the lynch mobs at my doorstep. A tangled web of timing and priorities, and last ditch effort to move into a positive mode. The breaks I just got is in the direction of the war, almost feels like a dance with the maker himself. God forbid this shines any light on the grave mistakes I've made over the past 3 years. Or trip me up during this month of effort to regain what little I've got left and miss the finish line altogether. Foolish is an understatement.

Interesting, Michael Lutin's message in "Where's the Moon" isn't totally related to how I feel today, but sharing it anyways to complement my own:

Monday 23 nov

The next period is a dialogue (with other people or in your own head) between scarily cold cynicism and naive faith. Isn't it spiritually wise to believe everything will turn out the way it is supposed to? Or is that just plain stupid? Isn't it prudent to realize all people have a selfish agenda and are in it for themselves? Or is it a waste to mistrust everyone because you end up alone and damaging yourself? Should you push to dominate or let compassion rule?

This is the crisis bewtween the Saturn Pluto square and the transit of Uranus that is just about to take place, Coming next week:

"WAIT! DON'T KILL YOURSELF YET! THERE'S HOPE!"