How soon is now?

A climax is upon us. An angst ridden self loathing one filled with doubt and anxiety... all while in the presense of such intense primal nature of man.

Holiday weekend, nice results at the office

After almost a week off of frustration and angst that I expected, I
returned to the office. A 5-day holiday weekend which feels like I've
returned to the office for a 2-day break from my long weekend. Well it
was enough rest to focus and realize what to do and say to my most
demanding customer, and smile and deliver good results. After work
hours, I'm gladly working late at a restaurant on my way home
following through and realizing that my life may be my work. I worked
through a 2-hour conference call about our 'merger' and am not as
skeptical as the boss about it. In fact, it drives my will to be the
best that I once was, and perhaps still can be.

Despair

Today I feel full of despair and fear. Gloom and doom. Darkness before
the dawn. Frustration in time of need. Left out in the cold and no one
seems to be there for me. Feeling manipulated and taken advantage.
Like no matter what more I do it won't get much better than this. I
need a lift, a gift, a lifeline, something to make me feel better. I
thought I'd hit bottom but this fall keeps going like a bottomless
pit. Please smile please.

Haters beware

I said it, yet shouldn't have to. Whenever we realize how blessed such a wonderfully and beautiful heritage we've inherited, only faith makes sense. Whenever you feel lonely or alienated... consider this.

Life's long when you're lonely

Yakitori. Chicken on a stick, 80 cents each. Beer. Afternoon near the park. Alone. Well besides all the other middle aged guys sitting next to me. Nobody is talking just thinking, eating, drinking. I slept well, dreamed a lot, woke up wondering what I missed that night on the town... well I think the town missed me... but I know that would have been quite lonely too. sigh

Willing Victim Yes

This weekend is going to be interesting. Someone someway it has to be.
I'm sort of not up to it. Meaning my esteem is kind of low. Concerning
my wardrobe, diet, libido, blah blah blah. Hope it gets real, probably
realer than I'm ready for. But isn't that what they say, that's when
it happens. Do guys ever have a choice, no. Willing victim, Yes.