Flashing life passing me by

These past two weeks have been the crueslest fun I've ever inflicted on myself. Wicked falls. Alcoholic poisoning. Robbed by bitches and thugs while passed out drunk. And returned for more with a glee for life as if I was about to die, and almost did. If death is akin to an alcoholic blackout then it must be something we won't know when the time comes. But living as a supernova, then crashing into my dipsomaniacal black hole　took weeks to recover, months more for my finances too. Risk still abounds. I think Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan must be my first cousins. Perhaps they are. Perhaps this is just living while we're alive. A fitful angst driven effort to be before not being undoes us all. undead for now. sign

The truth comes out

Yes, the truth comes out, like a time bomb. I say something, but can't say anything. When I do, the dam breaks, and everything I've ever done wrong, even if it was done right gets. Never doing enough, but when I do, never enough. She hates me. For what I've done, which I don't care. Rambling. My point, I know she wants me dead. Like over my dead body. Life is short, and she's gonna bury me good. A sadistic sinister bitch indeed. And when she does bury me, no doubt she'll smile thinking she was right all along, and grin that I can't defend myself in my wake.

Self Fulfilling Prophesy

There are times when my hopes and dreams hinge on fantasy and irrational beliefs. Yet, what got me to this point was exactly that, but with a lot more zeal and optimism. However, this time I'm wanting to go full circle and make sure that I guarantee for my own children leaving them safe and secure in a world much less so. Somehow in a miraculous way, keep my head up, hopes alive and make an effort towards the positive, while hedging on a benevolent wind to shore up my sails and lift me into the stratosphere, enough so to eventually rest and relax in peace, comfortably into old age and beyond with generations to follow.

Pray Happy Properous New Year

Time to redirect my energy into a more fulfilling life. Not an empty financial one. However it may be quite material, superficial and risky. But without that I'll continue to troll the streets at night as prey for the fallen. Changes on the social scene means nothing will go back to what it was and it will be a miracle if much any relationships outlast this. Lately I'm more worried about my family in the U.S. more than I am for myself, ridiculously so. To pass into the past beyond memory promotes a future present. sign

Wing and a prayer

Well, I'm grounded. Three cheers for stupid. That damn card. Ran it up and exhausted my play money for the next couple of months. I will be out of the picture for the winter. I wonder how I'll fair. I think I can focus on some reading. Or cleaning that room getting rid of things and organizing what little remaining in my life. The amount of money wasted was worth going on a trip somewhere or a nice purchase. Fleeting fun not forever frenzy. Selfish inconsiderate short sighted damage. Hell to pay.

Company Party

Will go to an unofficial company party tonight. It will be a bit angst driven since my wife will join me. The last time I went with someone was my ex-girlfriend which was a major scandal. It is taking a lot of courage to show up with her, and I imagine she'll be the center of attention. It may be a bit ridiculous on my behalf, or should I say better half. It will be nice for her to meet many of the people, and show up together in public, even though we never show up in private. Who knows, maybe it will spur some good karma that I need to make dig myself out of this hole.

This autumn, my finances have gone to hell, no fault but my own. Tomorrow I will know by how much.

Borderline

Things are lining up, but not perfect. I took a month off from the gym. A couple of dog bones are being thrown my way, like a small bonus and pay raise. Yet still on the heels of my recent impulsive breakdown. What followed was more time with my wish it were my ex-girlfriend. And guess what, she rocked me. I came three times back to back. Didn't even know that was possible. Funny she said, you see, there is nothing wrong with you. I totally agreed with her. Lately, the wind makes me hard, and I'm taking vitamins, ammo and gunpowder. Leading into the next few months, I think I may be a lot confident. A few workouts at the gym to channel my energy and save a bit of money, well, I might be really ready for whatever.

Might as well face it I'm looking for love

Weird. I'm bored. I have someone who likes me a lot. But it appears vain and manipulated. Totally strings attached. I realize that I'll have to be really serious about not getting involved any further. No matter how desperate and avoid entertaining a dangerous liaison. That being said, I feel that the horizon will bring someone who will rescue me from this petty drama. There is something wrong with what I've done this time, and I know it won't get much better next time. This post makes no sense, just a placesetter, and will report something positive in the future.

Broken and worried about it

Alas a week has passed. A night of major angst, and regret. Since then my spirit sank, my wallet empty, and health has suffered. This feels like the big one. Big enough for me to take steps to find out what is wrong with me. I'm afraid to know. But the point is right now, something feels extremely wrong. The autumn wind feels like it has snuffed out the last of my youth, but I'm the one who failed to get indoors. Like, I'm never going to feel young again. I just got old. But it feels like I could have simply died.

ML: This Sh*t works

Michael Lutin 10/11 and 10/13/2010

1. ...horoscope drawn for 11 October 2010. It is an astrological picture of the positions of the planets at dawn in New York City. You can see the Sun (the circle with the dot in the center) on the left just about to rise on the eastern horizon (contrary to traditional maps).

Now let's be real. How could everybody in the world be affected in so similar a way that the Daily Fix makes such profound and universal sense? Each person is living a different life with very personal circumstances and relationships. There are, however, great planetary waves that sweep across the whole world, which affect each person in his or her own private, deeply moving way, and yet feel strangely similar and connected.  

Take the Venus retrograde, for example. Venus rules your aesthetic- who and what you find beautiful and attractive- and all the people and things you like to surround yourself with to feel comfortable, prosperous, and fulfilled. Venus usually moves from zodiac sign to zodiac sign about every three weeks, except for right now when it has gone retrograde in the sign of Scorpio and will be in that sign until the first week of January 2011.

Maybe that's why people are attracted to Scorpios right now, although with Venus retrograde, Scorpios themselves do not feel it and are having a tough time acknowledging, receiving, and reciprocating. But for everybody, all of us are seeking contacts and relationships from the past. Venus is looking backward, visiting past passions, possessions and obsessions.

Why obsessions? When Venus is in Scorpio attractions are intense, mainly because Scorpio IS passion. It's also the sign of emotional hunger and incessant yearning, and maybe that's why so many artists have Scorpio prominent in their charts. The urge to procreate and the urge to create are one.

Scorpio is not (as some people like to think) the sign of murder, mayhem, and the Mob. They are sweet, affectionate and intensely loyal, but if they get one whiff of betrayal, DON'T DRINK THE TEA.

With Venus in Scorpio there is always some kind of taboo involved so you can usually expect complicated and triangulating relationships with at least three people trying to fit into one double bed.  

We mention the Venus transit now since the retrograde is currently occurring. Because we are all passing through the month of Libra, Venus is even more important in our daily lives, because Venus is the planet that rules the sign of Libra.

As the Earth turns in twenty-four hours, just like the Sun and Moon, Venus will rise in the east, culminate overhead and set in the west at different times of the day, naturally depending on where you happen to be on the Earth. That position tells us exactly in what area of your life the Venus retrograde will affect you–finance, career, health, or your love life.

It's infinitely complex and takes probably lifetimes to interpret.

But to understand why and how?

Big mystery.

Electromagnetic vibrations?

Synchronicity of mechanical astrophysical motions and human behavior?

Here's a thought:

The Solar System is one gigantic organism, completely connected to every particle in the system, fully alive–alive in a cosmic sense, beating to rhythm and in a constant motion that is akin to breathing. Every atom, in the Solar System (and probably everywhere else, too) is part of and contributes to this great, enormous organism, which embodies the Force and Growth of Cosmic Consciousness for all living beings on all worlds.

Your little horoscope is your part, your contribution to the motion and rhythm of that giant whirling. However you think and what ever you do adds to the sum of all parts. The more you know yourself and are aware and awake to your thoughts and actions, the better everyone else's life will be everywhere.

Of course we're making that up because we can't really say for sure. I think it's true. Who started all that and why? Nobody can say for sure.

But don't think for one second that you can just sit around with your eyes closed, thinking great thoughts. You still have to make your car payments, deal with rent and mortgage, keep your credit rate in good standing, engage in fulfilling work and find people to love.

2.

13 october 2010

The North Node of the Moon in Capricorn

The path of the Earth around the Sun is called the Ecliptic. It takes a whole year to make that trip.

The Moon's travel around the Earth, on the other hand, makes the whole trip in one month.

The points at which those two paths cross

are called the NODES OF THE MOON.

In a most uncanny way, they describe

every relationship you have and

whatever intimate involvements

you create, both in personal life and business.

When the Moon crosses that point of intersection into the North as it is today,

this conjunction of the Moon

and the North Node

this year in the sign of Capricorn

means

don't indulge or baby yourself.

No more screwing around.

Get serious about everything you are doing

and everyone you are doing it with.