Limbo bimbo dim ho

Exasperation on vacation. Selfish dimwitted manipulative spouse. Lost cause in a rats maze. 1963 spoiled brat disguised in a fat suit and mask.

Radical Fat Head and Stomach

Working out as often as possible... while drinking more. All too conscious of our mortality and seething amongnst my peers wallowing in the pity of regrets. Shall this last long enough and endure my passing into nonexistence... Wisdom just isn't enoungh self assurance. I will soon enough have the courage to tell you how it feel to be an African American expatriate in Japan.

Sore yet determined

Yes I'm sore. All over. Especially in love. I won't elaborate because it is complicated... and simple. Dread that I am. Dread that I have. Hope that must endure. Pride without the foolishness of hubris.

Performance Edge

I ate a lot this week. Yesterday must have chowed down about 5000 calories. Beef, Fish, Steak and Tacos. Spice, salt. Vodka. Sweating on my way home. Biking left me drowing in it. Today a buffet lunch. Oil coming out of the my face. Constipated and worried about it all.

I worked out Monday. Was tempted to do so yesterday. To save it for today means I have to go hard and long. Try my best to burn it all off. Make sure that I can be in the best of shape within 2 weeks. Get my performance edge up. No grasping at straws, or gasping for air, push the envelop.

With a little effort I will look very good. Not heavy and meaty, but lean and mean. And perhaps light on my feet, and enough to clear my thoughts and reach some intellectual development goals.

Back to life, back to reality

Bright ideas. Realizing what has and hasn't been done. Nothing original, but time to do it on the curve.

Can I make it real? What is the fastest way to getting it done? How flexible will it be? Both on the application side, and the implementation side? And deliverable to Android as well...

I want to turn this around quickly. I need a deadline for August 30. I want it to be secure (as far as the data source, or method) and useful to the audience. Basically in demand...

Good enough for me to use, and everybody else will value as well. Here's to the hype, and hope I don't give up and can deliver faster than then...

Bitches and Sisters

"Bitches & Sisters" Lyrics By Jay-z

(Let's describe a certain female)

(Let's describe a certain female)

(Let's describe a certain female)

[Jay-Z]

(Bitch) you know my name and the company I own

(Bitch) you like my style and you smell my cologne

(Bitch) don't try to act like my track-record ain't known

(Bitch) you probably gotta couple CD's in your home

(Bitch) don't make me say it twice, you acting all up tight

Also diddy like, like, like

You ain't a (Bitch), I ain't no ball player, you ain't gonna get pregnant again

Hit off with paper, you gonna get hit off and slid off

Before the neighbors take off to go to work

So just, take off your shirt, don't hit me with that church shit

(Bitch) I got a sister who schooled me to shit you chickens do

Tricking fools, got a whole Robin Givens crew that I kick it to

They be hipping dudes, how you chickens move, I be listening to

(Bitch) (Bitch) (Bitch)

Don't make me say it thrice, you acting all up tight

Also diddy like, like

You ain't a (Bitch), You ain't no better cuz you don't be fucking rappers

You only fuck with actors, you still getting fucked backwards

(Bitch) Unless you fucked a dude on his own merit

And not the way he dribbles or ball or draw leverage

You're a (Bitch), No ma, you're a (Bitch)

(Let's describe a certain female)

(Let's describe a certain female)

(Let's describe a certain female)

Say Jay-Z, why you gotta go and disrespect the women for? Uh

[Jay-Z]

(Bitch) Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserve

SIsters work hard, bitches work your nerves

Sisters hold you down, bitches hold you up

Sisters help you progress, bitches will slow you up

Sisters cook up a meal, play their role with the kids

Bitches in street with their nose in your biz

Sisters tell the truth, bitches tell lies

Sisters drive cars, bitches wanna ride

Sisters give-up the ass, bitches give-up the ass

Sisters do it slow, bitches do it fast

Sisters do their dirt outside of where they live

Bitches have niggers all up in your crib

Sisters tell you quick "you better check your homie"

Bitches don't give a fuck, they wanna check for your homie

Sisters love Jay cuz they know how 'Hov is

I love my sisters, I don't love no bitch 

Beer moment extreme reflection

When life seems like its past you by. Well its all you got. Then it fulfills itself like you'll live forever. You already have. We already are.

Desire led to Despair

Desire led to Despair. My fleeting moments were passion, which I desired, yet desperate, hence despair. 

Fiction follows: (source: wikipedia: endless: desire|despair)

---

Desire is the third youngest of the Endless and the twin of Despair. It is a strikingly beautiful figure whose gender is mutable, becoming male, female, both, or neither as the situation warrants. It is often referred to as "sister-brother" by its siblings, particularly Dream. Desire blends in effortlessly with whatever environment it finds itself in. It lives in the heart of a massive flesh-and-blood statue of itself, known as the Threshold. Indeed, further strengthening the connection to hearts, Desire's sigil in the galleries of the other Endless is a heart of cut glass.

Desire is described as being of medium height, smelling faintly of summer peaches. Desire casts two shadows, one black and sharp, the other translucent and wavering. Desire's smiles are brief and sharp. Its skin is "pale as smoke," and its eyes are "tawny and sharp as yellow wine."

Desire is easily the cruelest of the Endless. It seems obsessed with interfering with the affairs of its elder siblings, particularly Dream. The motivation behind this is not clear, but seems to be simply a variation on childish teasing. Desire is not exactly unaware of the consequences of its actions, but considers those consequences ultimately unimportant, a position which angers Morpheus and Death in particular. Desire sometimes acts in concert with Despair and Delirium; the relationship is not clear, however, and Desire is much more distant from its siblings than Despair or Delirium.

---

Despair is the twin sister of Desire. She is squat, flabby and pale-skinned, with black hair, gray eyes, and pointed teeth. Her voice is little more than a whisper, and she has no odor, but her shadow smells musky and pungent, like the skin of a snake. She does not wear clothes. On a finger of her left hand she wears a ring with a hook attached to it, with which she habitually carves her flesh. The hook is her sigil in the galleries of the other characters. Her realm is a gray space in which floats a white fog and countless mirrors, which are connected to mirrors in the human world, through which she looks on those who are in despair. The only other inhabitants of her realm are her pet rats.

Wicked intimate and personal

Although something I obliously would never say here. Well besides that, I'm in love. An inspirational love of a lifetime that wills itself to last that long, never to let it go or forget. My container finally arrived. The goods are priceless, and perhaps valuable too. I unpacked as much as possible to air the stuff out. I am parked just sitting here waiting for her to be free. Rain outside just glad I'm dry. sign

For You

Come inside and share my love. I have never shared my love before. I
have never been in love. I do not open up to many. When I do, I just
get stabbed in my soft parts. I wear a shell around my heart made of
stone and I discard it when I am alone with you. Where did this hard
man came from and how he can be so cold on the outside. It is because
I have not had a dream in a long time. See this life I have had can
make a good man turn bad. So please, please, please let me get what I
want this time. Lord knows it would be the first time. There is a warm
man on the inside.

When you said you cared, it touched my soul. No one has ever cared
enough to say so. It touches my soul. I hope there will never be
another. I meet many and as I get to know them, they begin to believe
they know me better than I know myself. I back off and would rather
not know them at all. I want you to know me better than I know myself
just as I would like to get to know you.

Let's not put faith in marriage and simply believe in us. It is not a
piece of paper or a ring that are the bonds of love, it is you and I.
Believe in the future and do not look back; the past is no friend of
ours. I believe in children because they are the future. Marriage is
for children. Until then I will be your hopeless romantic.

billbill, 1997