Roadblocks and Soul Searching

Small light at the end of the tunnel. Major roadblocks and soul searching to go with it. Confusion, endless thoughts of where she is and what I should do about it. While fretting about the future of my beautiful girls.

Summer solstice?

For all my angst and effort, my bad habits remain, my nemesis spouse is persistent, and my hope remains alive and inspirational. She is my new ray of light, but one I don't want to see dim or disappear. Summer solstice chance for an escape, a re-evolution? My recent efforts regarding the countdown to results got really great results as far as my physical condition is concerned. I'm in as good a shape as I was when I was 25, 20 years ago. My mentality and career are normally great tracks. But my finances are on edge, actually in real jeopardy that everyone will notice. It won't be until late spring that I recover. But ''m confident that my girl will keep me happy and alive through this. Plus ohanami and spring in general.

Day 40 and 39

40 was Friday and got some good time in. But after that, ruined my Friday, Saturday and perhaps early spring. I met her on Sunday and it was really nice, and why I couldn't wait and risked it all left me depressed. So much so skipped work Monday. Today Tuesday day 39, quite anxious about the near future. That and Whitney's passing has been quite unsettling. She picks me up, I need to keep my head up.

Day 45 - 41

I got day 45 (Thu) in. Skipped work and gym Friday. Friday evening I hung out with the big guy at Mishima and Baobab, I think. Went home early to make sure I was energetic for my Saturday movie date with Nori. My bicycle was broken and couldn't find the time to take it to the bicycle shop. I left it locked next to Marui. I got on the train, took my bag with change of drawers just in case, headphones, but no iPad. So a lot of weight for nothing, so I put it in a locker. We saw tower heist and walker around Roppongi Hills freezing without a plan. Nori finally suggested Kichijoji which was ok, but wasn't sure what to do or how. We got off the train and she grabbed my arm, asking if that was ok. Sure. But ducked into the Peppermint Cafe as a safe landing. As usual the guys were happy to see me. And she was pleased by that. Then my bro called and said they were at Mishima. We finished dinner around 9:00pm and headed over. She met the guys and was as giddy as I was nervous. This led to Baobab as a group and finally Cheeky just three of us, meeting the owner. I had to peel here out of the place, especially since the big guy was acting jealous and like he wanted to intercept. Nice she could withstand all of that and stick by me. And everyone was thrilled to meet her. Ducked into our place and rested well past dawn. That night she said extremely happy and pleased. Me too.

44 Mon weight training. 43 Tue aerobic and walked to Shibuya to meet her BFF. Both from Aomori, but how did they meet. Harley bikers from their youthful day. My stomach sank, but mostly because thoughts of envy to the adventure of all that. Her BFF's husband was in the same unit as I was in Misawa and even though he wasn't there I would guess we would hit it off. However the combined knowledge of Nori's past would unsettle me, but for once I'm thankful I'm last up instead of one of those along the way.

42 Wed hung at Mishima and Baobad. 41 Thu difficult to get up and out of the house. Very late to the office, but brought my gym gear. My stomach and lower back fat is disappearing. I miss her already and can't wait to see her again. I'll try take the pressure off and stop by Hooters this evening.

Day 53-46

Day 53 Jan 18 I went after partying all night and missing work too. Was on call but didn't get any, but I made sure I went out again. Day 52 stayed home again but made sure I went by the JR. Day 51 I went again and met Tom to go to Hooters. We went to a dance club which was kind of empty but nice. At the end I met someone really nice but made sure I made the last train since I was on call. Day 50 Friday I went back to follow up with my new friend. Well there was an unofficial day 49 for Saturday. Left my gear at the gym and had to pick it up feeling great.

I only went Mon 48 and met her again on Thursday with no affect, but really nice. Kept it simple and skipped Friday, Sat, Mon. Tue 47 and Wed 46 (today), back at it feeling strong even though I'm behind schedule.

Days 57-54

Day 57 I made it to the gym again, did upper and lower body, 1 hour of cardio, protein then Iseya after work.
Day 56 I did an hour of cardio, the session seem to go by faster and faster.
Day 55 I had a very long session, of 1 full hour of weights that may have set the standard. And a full hour of cardio. After that I began my weekend of fun, but the weeks efforts left me quite exhausted and I fell asleep early. Sunday my day off I was still very sleepy and fell asleep early. I ate and drank a lot.

Monday, Day 54 the Harajuku gym was closed. So I walked with this nice lady named Ana, mixed Swedish and Korean, to the Ometesando branch which I haven't been to in over a year. Since Harajuku was closed it was very crowed. I met some guys I knew but haven't seen in a while, who acted disappointed I changed gyms, but that was it, I don't like being conscious of people looking over my shoulder when I worked out. The machines are different at this club so it took some conscious consideration to choose my exercises. The cardio went by pretty quickly when doing some reading, either time flies or I read really slow. I met the guy Victor who visited my office a month ago and he finally recognized me as someone he met at the gym. I shortcut my cardio workout by about 15 minutes, to 45 minutes. When leaving there was a line of about 10 people waiting for an open locker; the first time I've ever seen them all taken at once.

Following that I went to Baobab which had a guy there, who clown me about teenage daughters. Rude. Beer, plus jerk Chicken as usual, but it I feel contrived as a customer. Wanted to eat bread and cheese bought some wine. At home Thai curry was available, reluctantly ate some, then bread cheese wine, listened to the Rolling Stones and watched the Flintstones before bed. Had a wild long dream I can hardly remember, woke up early, went back to sleep and woke up late. Did laundry and left for work without hanging them out.

Tonight's plan to go to Harmonica, or someplace more people friendly, someplace I won't feel like a prop. Also relief from the cold weather that continues to get on my nerves.

Day 58

55 min treadmill
Recovery protein drink, beer jerk chicken Baobab

Cash on hand 3000 Expendable 30000

Day 59

4 sets of shoulders chest squat thighs
1 hour treadmill
88 kilograms

Recovery: Aretha Franklin Amazing Grace. Beer plus two yakitori at Iseya

Cash on hand: 5400 Expendable: 30000

A month from now, before and after (not my pic)

A month or so from now I hope and imagine I'll finally be in a different zone. Corny as it may sound, my horoscope says so. Well, it would be all of us in one way or another. The difference regarding mine is the change looks damn positive. Even at the home stretch, and man it really is a stretch, I am coming out of debt. I put on about 8 kilograms over the holidays, that is about 20 pounds. Shocking went shopping and I couldn't fit what I wanted. I was busy over the holidays and ate and drank more than usual. Now I face a month of working out and trying to get back into fighting shape. Good news is that I finally got a locker at the gym. That has been an excuse not to go having to lug my laptop around all the time, along with my gym gear. I wonder if I'm going to be able to work out as often as I like, as often as I should. The weather is pretty dry and cold, and simply looking forward to the spring and being in good shape is some great motivation. I've been wanting to take a decent before and after picture. However those picture will be incomplete if it doesn't incorporate and include the sense of renewal and confidence I expect to go with it.

Hibernation

The Dec 10 lunar eclipse was beautiful and epic. Now the winter solstice is upon us; Thursday December 22nd 0530. I plan to go to the Shinto shrine, pray, make an offering and ring the bell. My way of ringing in the New Year on Earth's natural holiday. This year I hope, with no definite certitude, to be pious reserved serious and focused. Hibernate my way through the next 3-months and wake up next March optimistic and happy. My routine may often seem like a waste of time, yet I'm welcomed in this superflous community that I orbit around. I'll pop my head in every now and then with minimal angst fulfilling the basic social needs we all have. At home I have a bit of pressure to deliver aimless adventures outside of town which I should be able to manage well. Early January I will stay at a cabin at Kawaguchiko near Mt. Fuji, again in mid-February too. Actually I need that very badly. I haven't left the Tokyo metro area in a year and a half, handicapped by the expense of rebuilding my home, while very comfortable, should have been since I haven't been able to go anywhere. After March I will be able to travel abroad with ease. 3-months feels like a long time, but if I diet, train at the gym and study, March will be even more rewarding. Of course I'll be letting my guard down passively cruising through life, so I'll add one more prayer, "please please please let me get what I want this time" (Ref: The Smiths).

Happy New Year!