Spring Fever Hunter

Now the rainy season. Feels tropically humid when the sun comes out. I
was starving from senseless deprivation. Until I met a very nice
Japanese American girl on Sunday. Actually she's white American raised
Japanese... not your typical girl at all. In fact she has a very
complex personality, just like mine. I told her that we are
bi-cultural. Trying to make friends but she's leaving soon for Europe.
Still trying to see what if any type of friendship is possible, now or
later. Or just keeping my axe sharp, and flowing through the concrete
jungle hunting for love.

Wishing on a star

Looks like my angst about my vacation getting denied is gone. 3 weeks
before they arrive. I wrote her 3 more long messages about Japan and
Africa. I should write a book... really.

I may post them here if I find the time to correct all the grammatical
mistakes and open myself to criticism for the strong opinions and
generalizations I expressed about my journeys.

I'm getting desperate to meet someone, and am trying to be strong. I
don't how those other guys do it, just walking up to a girl
introducing themselves and making a date. How to do it, what to say,
what to do, when to do it...

She posted a picture of a black guy in China on Facebook. It was meant
for me. He was from Boston and I got that strange jealous feeling like
I should be the only man in her life. Then I got a grip and realized
she's a professional and must have many colleagues. But the guy was
from Mass like me, and also in Asia. But I felt it strange to be
associated with him, because Japan is not China, and so on. Well, I
wrote my letters explaining so much about Japan that I think there
won't be a doubt about what this place is like, and not like China.

Nice to have her to think about though. Even now, just the fact that
I'm expressing myself is like a mental log jam broke. I just wish that
log jam would break in my actual life.

I've avoided the gym and gone straight home to cook 3 days in a row.
Watching movies that I can't finish, jumping straight into a video
game until I have the courage to attempt sleep. I couldn't sleep, woke
up after only 1 hour and started working. 4am, got tired woke up late
as usual.

Would it be different if I had a partner? I imagine so,... first of
all any affection would be like a fantasy come true. Any love would
help me sleep. Or maybe I'd marathon 'do it' until the morning.

Considering heading to the countryside this weekend. Why not... I've
gone almost 45 weeks without leaving the city, and that is a ballpark
figure not even thinking about it. But it may be more. I know because
I traveled down South a 3-day weekend in July of last year, and its
already the end of June. (sigh, just escape this place man... before
my mom gets here) but I know I won't... she'll be here soon. I hope I
heal by then, during her visit... make me feel better like only mom
can.

Lost love eclipses recent angst

I told my friend that I didn't appreciate him bringing up my ex-girlfriend. He said he didn't know why he did that.

Anyways, I got an email message from long lost love Dawn. The best thing to happen to me in recent memory. I wrote back a pretty long message. Her response was really nice. She wanted to know more, and I sent a couple of others. It has eclipsed my angst about my ex. For all the heart I poured into that relationship mostly out of desperation, she means nothing to me. Dawn was my match made in heaven and first love. We never had a formal date but know we really cared for one another. I think about her everyday. She's married beautiful daughters, and sounds like she has a good man.

My mom will arrive to visit and arrive next month. Her first time to Japan, the only time she's allowed to take off, not to mention I haven't seen her in years. My job seems insensitive to that and seem to be thinking about giving me time off. I have a lot of trouble arranging my coverage with the global team, and having them trump all that has me caged. I cover global, but global isn't able to cover me. I'm on edge and getting emotional about it. Caged. Enslaved. Confined to this place. Feels like they want to see me fight for my rights, stand up to them, or just quit.

We're forced to take a furlough unpaid time off to save the company money. But since we've done so, it seems my fears were right on, they're not supportive of our paid time off.

How Long to Sing This Song?

Still obsessed with the recent encounter between my best mate and my former mate. I think there was a certain amount of disrespect and arrongance on his part, and know there was an air of 'there is something wrong with that guy between them'... no doubt about it. Maybe my horoscope is right that envy is at play. Well that angst held until I got to our dinner party with the my group. I sat across from my immediate colleagues.. It was about an hour until I smiled and that smile lasted the rest of the evening. I bumped into my African American friend and shared my angst when buying a bite to eat. Last night I met this old man, and later a young woman. The old man said I should reconcile with my ex wife. He was a bit probing, and I realized he had no respect for my privacy and which may be an understatement. I waved him off when he started asking for specific names. The young woman came home with me, but like Murphy's law, I wasn't ready, but should have been. At the dinner my director politely also said I should reconcile. Whatever, right? More about the young woman; I know she works at the local live jazz bar. Certain that my ex-girlfriend is in orbit around there too. Small world and would hate my ex to sink what little credibility I have around here. Especially when I'm trying to refresh my experience through new friends.

At my favorite bar, a guy I know agreed to host mom and younger brother and I in Nagano next month and visit the tradition UNESCO settlement near there. I expect it to be a very wicked and fulfilling experience for us all. Nice that my directory also appreciates that goal. I told him I went to Mt. Koya in Wakayama-ken. I am at a favorite bar and wondering if I should tell my best mate that I don't appreciate him telling me that he renewed his friendship with my ex girlfriend. If I do it will be a tense evening. But what the FUCK, I don't give a shit. Like I said, arrogance. My other ex girlfriend best friend is here and her boyfriend who's I can never remember is here is DJing. I'm thinking about my mom, and how she'll appreciate the classic R&B. It never ceases to amaze me how younger Japanese love black music that is older than me. Such an experience may prove very flattering to Mummy.

I still still have quite a bit of angst about my drought, bad memories of my ex, and endless thoughts about my daughter ESL and our lack of communication.

Selfish as it may seem, I just need some genuine affection, or at least something more or less than all that. As U2 once said, "How Long to Sing This Song?"

Ex-Girlfriend in Orbit like Space Junk

I should start this entry with something my best friend asked me in 2006. "Am I taking advantage of her?" Considering my haste and poor judgement when dating a promiscuous 22 year old, perhaps I was unconciously doing so. Hanging out with Mr Lamp, he brings her up, that she's still around. They were friendly, and she is also being that way with my other aquaintences. Concern that she's in orbit around my friends and family, and will be forever. I think about how I try to forget her, but she's grasping at straws around me, and looking for an opportunity to remind everyone and me that she's still there. Why do life's choices have such enduring consequences? My angst is still there, I was taken advantage of. Full circle to my best friends question to me when I was first getting involved. Who was taking advantage of whom. If it were me, it was being seen with a young lady. Also finding an escape from the clutches of my ex-wife, the legacy of a 20 year consequence. Like my auntie once told me, if you chase a woman she'll take full advantage of you. Well, if it weren't them, it would have been someone else. C'est la vie?

I called my younger brother. It was a good discussion and a bit of hype. He and my mom will arrive 1 month from now. I spice it with a bit of hype and optimism. He is excited, and I think we will have a good time and it will be rewarding for us all. And that parasite of an ex-girlfriend in orbit around me is just that, in orbit, not on my launch pad, kind of circling me like space junk.

Daughter's ESL

Fussed with my ex-wife today about my daughter not speaking English. Tough conversation. Tough love. Way way overdue. I've made many poor, irresponsible and bad decisions over the past 7 years. But the foundation was flawed from the beginning. I put my faith and trust in what I was doing, not realizing that I was set up to fail. Why a journal now. Like my last one, I foresee a climax of some sort. I hope a window of

I tried to make new friends with this couple, but my aims were insincere, and the response from the guy was probabably what I would have said, years ago in my past experience... with a flirtatious selfish type of woman that he is with.

30 days before my mom arrives and with my younger brother. I worry about this trip, but know it will help or hurt my cause. Perhaps both. In the sense that my mom will support my return home. But any imminent move will be fraught with anxiety, uncertainty and risk... which is about the way I arrived. I guess what goes around comes around. But I've taken 5 steps forward, and feel I will be 100 steps back. What a waste of opportuniy. And after all everything I've sought to avoid may rear its ugly head, with my family cheering my teenage daughters all the way to rebellion.

New Kind of Settler Finding a Way in Japan

"You ask a lot of foreigners in business here how they got started here, and they'll say the same thing. Nobody ever told them that it was impossible, so they just went out and started a business."

The Nation of Islam and UFO's, How much is true?

Newsgroups: soc.culture.african.american
From: billbill
Date: 1996/08/06
Subject: The Nation of Islam and UFO's, How much is true?

I read in Emerge magazine that the major difference between the Nation of Islam and the
Islam of the Middle East is the Nation of Islam's belief in UFO's. The article said
that the Nation of Islam professes the earth was only populated with 'Blacks' until
5000 years ago when UFO's landed and did experiments and which created the 'white
devil'.
I remember the news captions during the '80's how Farrakan stated he went into a UFO
and met with Elijah Muhaamed.
If this is true, then I have no choice but to rank the Nation of Islam up there with
other racist influenced American bred cults such as the Mormons.
Any other facts or opinions on this subject?
My source, Emerge Magazine, circa 1992, article titled "Divided Nation" which
contrasts the paths of Farrakan and Elijah Muhaamed's son (who chose true Islam - as
Malcolm X did before his assasination) since the death of Elijah Muhaamed.



Richard A. Muhammad
Aug 7 1996, 4:00 pm
Newsgroups: soc.culture.african.american
From: f...@primenet.com (Richard A. Muhammad)
Date: 1996/08/07
Subject: Re: The Nation of Islam and UFO's, How much is true?
Reply to author | Forward | Print | Individual message | Show original | Report this message | Find messages by this author
In article <4u6neu$...@oracle.damerica.net>, billb...@community.net
(Sunspot) wrote:
> I read in Emerge magazine that the major difference between the Nation
of Islam and the
> Islam of the Middle East is the Nation of Islam's belief in UFO's.

The Holy Quran refers to them, so does the Bible ("pillars of clouds by
day / pillars of fire by night").
>The article said
> that the Nation of Islam professes the earth was only populated with
'Blacks' until
> 5000 years ago when UFO's landed and did experiments and which created
the 'white
> devil'.

Ask Dr. Leakey---he'll tell you. Also ask any truthful geneticist, who'll
tell you that Black can produce white (because it's original), but
caucasians cannot produce Blacks.
> I remember the news captions during the '80's how Farrakan stated he
went into a UFO
> and met with Elijah Muhaamed.

Wasn't a UFO. It was The Mother Plane, also referred to in the Bible as
Ezekiel's Wheel.
> If this is true, then I have no choice but to rank the Nation of Islam
up there with
> other racist influenced American bred cults such as the Mormons.

And Barr GOldwater, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Neil Armstrong, John
Glenn, and other "cult members" who have pulbicly stated either seeing
"UFOs" or having investigated the government's knowledge of them.
Furthermore, why denigrate the Muslims and Mormons? You could rightfully
call the Catholic Church a cult. People who eat the flesh and blood of
Jesus. A Priest gives you a wafer, and says that it's "transformed" into
Jesus's flesh. Why would you eat your flesh of your God? And if millions
of Catholics have been eating the transformed flesh (wafers) and blood
(wine) of Jesus for thoousands of year, and he's still not ate up, the
Jesus of the Catholics must have been one tall, fat dude.
And who are you to do the ranking? God? (Wow, God uses e-mail. Heavy......)
> Any other facts or opinions on this subject?

Only facts. No opinions.
> My source, Emerge Magazine, circa 1992, article titled "Divided Nation" which
> contrasts the paths of Farrakan and Elijah Muhaamed's son (who chose
true Islam - as
> Malcolm X did before his assasination) since the death of Elijah Muhaamed.


What is "true" Islam. Are you a Muslim? Do you own a Quran? Please show
me, verse for verse, in the Quran (which you obviously are a scholar of,
since you know what "true Islam" is) where anything Minsiter Farrakhan
teaches is not Islamic.



John McGregor
Aug 10 1996, 4:00 pm
Newsgroups: soc.culture.african.american
From: yorkt...@timetrend.com (John McGregor)
Date: 1996/08/10
Subject: Re: The Nation of Islam and UFO's, How much is true?
Reply to author | Forward | Print | Individual message | Show original | Report this message | Find messages by this author
>The Holy Quran refers to them, so does the Bible ("pillars of clouds by
>day / pillars of fire by night").

You shoud read less Dune.
>>The article said
>> that the Nation of Islam professes the earth was only populated with
>'Blacks' until
>> 5000 years ago when UFO's landed and did experiments and which created
>the 'white
>> devil'.
>Ask Dr. Leakey---he'll tell you. Also ask any truthful geneticist, who'll
>tell you that Black can produce white (because it's original), but
>caucasians cannot produce Blacks.

This is far to absurd to deserve comment, I think it stand on its own
as racist garbage.
>> I remember the news captions during the '80's how Farrakan stated he
>went into a UFO
>> and met with Elijah Muhaamed.
>Wasn't a UFO. It was The Mother Plane, also referred to in the Bible as
>Ezekiel's Wheel.

So God had an audience with a racist mad-man, eh? Makes a lot of
sense.
>> If this is true, then I have no choice but to rank the Nation of Islam
>up there with
>> other racist influenced American bred cults such as the Mormons.
>And Barr GOldwater, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Neil Armstrong, John
>Glenn, and other "cult members" who have pulbicly stated either seeing
>"UFOs" or having investigated the government's knowledge of them.
>Furthermore, why denigrate the Muslims and Mormons? You could rightfully
>call the Catholic Church a cult. People who eat the flesh and blood of
>Jesus. A Priest gives you a wafer, and says that it's "transformed" into
>Jesus's flesh. Why would you eat your flesh of your God? And if millions
>of Catholics have been eating the transformed flesh (wafers) and blood
>(wine) of Jesus for thoousands of year, and he's still not ate up, the
>Jesus of the Catholics must have been one tall, fat dude.


As a devout Roman Catholic, I take strong offense at this. Jesus
Christ fed the masses with a few loaves and fish. If he can turn a
finite number into an infinate number, why should it be hard to belive
in infinate transubstantiation? If you say that he cannot do this,
then you are limeting God. One cannot limet God. And the 'Jesus of
the Catholics' is the same Jesus that is worshpied by the Baptists,
Mormons, Methodists, Anglicans, ect. There was only one Son of God.
>And who are you to do the ranking? God? (Wow, God uses e-mail. Heavy......)

Of course God uses e-mail! I'll bet Calypso Louie (you call him
Farrakhan (sic)), has megs and megs of holy e-mail. After all, if God
talked to such a madman once, it is only logical to say that he keeps
in regular communication with him.
>> Any other facts or opinions on this subject?
>Only facts. No opinions.
>> My source, Emerge Magazine, circa 1992, article titled "Divided Nation" which
>> contrasts the paths of Farrakan and Elijah Muhaamed's son (who chose
>true Islam - as
>> Malcolm X did before his assasination) since the death of Elijah Muhaamed.
>What is "true" Islam. Are you a Muslim? Do you own a Quran? Please show
>me, verse for verse, in the Quran (which you obviously are a scholar of,
>since you know what "true Islam" is) where anything Minsiter Farrakhan
>teaches is not Islamic.


I have met members of what some call True Islam, and by this I mean
arabs who follow the traditional Islam of the Mid-East. They are
nice, level-headed people as deovted to the Lord as I am. I have also
met members of Calypso Louie's Islam, the entirity of which have been
utter nuts and racists. Calypso Louie has bastardized and corrupted
an honorable faith that has filled peoples' lives and led them to the
Lord just like Judiaism and Catholicism.
Honorably,
John McGregor
****************************
Audentes fortuna juvat
****************************

---

[Guess I was trolling along that day]

Wanted: Job teaching English in Japan!

Newsgroups: soc.culture.japan
From: billbill3
Date: 30 Dec 1994 15:30:55 -0500
Local: Sat, Dec 31 1994 5:30 am
Subject: Re: Wanted: Job teaching English in Japan!

There is a book named 'The Job Hunter's Guide to Japan', by Terra
Brockman. It explains visa regulations, Japanese language ability
requirements, salary and career options. It also includes the names,
adresses and phone numbers of Japanese companies and schools that hire
foreigners.

It has a whole chapter dedicated to 'English teaching'.
Although I bought the book in Japan it has an ISBN#: 0-87011-984-2.
It is a very realistic goal if you have a bachelors degree (it doesn't
matter what it is in).

Nation of Islam and UFO malarkey...

Newsgroups: soc.culture.african.american
From: billbill3
Date: 10 Sep 1994 02:33:02 -0400
Local: Sat, Sep 10 1994 3:33 pm
Subject: Nation of Islam and UFO malarkey...

I read in one of new African-American periodicals (not Ebony-Upscale I
believe) an article titled 'Divided Nation'. It chronicaled the rift in
the African-American muslim community since the death of Elijah Muhammad.
Well, it gave the history of the Nation of Islam's theology. It genenrally
stated that the Nation of Islam believe that the foundation of the Muslim
and world history was full of UFOs and 'white devil' alien experiments. I
heard the rumor that Farrakan claimed he was abducted by a UFO and taken
to Elijah Muhammad. I thought it was the media exploiting the issue out of
context or something. However, upon reading this 'UFO stuff' in a Black
magazine, I could only wonder how anyone involved in the Nation of Islam,
or those who characterize its leaders and followers can disregard such
blatant SCIENCE FICTION.