Happy New Year

Please

Days of Reckoning

Time to take account for the disastrously placed bets and squandering of potential, due to arrogance, nativity and longing for the past.

Fallor ergo sum

been a while

been a while. bout to get back to reality...

Not such a Happy New Year greeting

Message to my sister, realistic and hopeful that this year will be better:

It must be getting cold on the East Coast. (record cold due to the Jan 2014 Polar Vortex) 

Wish you the best for the New Year. 

Rounding 50 I feel a bit sad. Like all that has been will continue to lead us to the rest of our lives. But with a lot less to offer ourselves, never mind everyone else depending on us. As if life and the people around us are sucking the life from us like parasites. I wonder how they have no shame, as if their lives are more important than ours.

Still unemployed I just want one last job, one last gasp, to allow me to land safely. Ex wife still camped out in my home, with me paying the bills, and no where to go without a job... it feels like she owns me. I want to walk away, and put her on her ass, but the girls will suffer to. I'm certain she's praying for me to fail, or die trying.

I get bitter. Why didn't we get any guidance when we were younger. Just a hint would have been nice. I think back to why I got married was because mom thought I was gay and wanted to prove her wrong... but it was wrong for her to suggest I was gay without any reason other than I wasn't doing what she and everyone expected.

Of course things could have been worse. But right now they seem like life everywhere for everyone is getting worse, and there isn't much society is offering to make ours better no matter how much we'd like to do better.

Sorry, not such a great Happy New Year's message... 

but saying so hoping something gives and this one will somehow miraculously be better than the last one...