Loan Shark

I wish. Not a loan shark. More like a sucker who can't say no, or won't ask after the fact. Yet, the experience is pretty obvious... I have fair weather friends who only call when they need something, either overtly or as a hidden agenda. The closest, and most demanding person is someone I've considered a great friend. However, the relationship is marred with over zealous prearranged situations and deals which are always in his favor, with the presumption that I'm lucky enough to join him for the moment leading him to whatever personal fulfillment.

Meanwhile I'm left with wallet empty, heart in hand, and the look of mild bewilderment that he thinks I'm simple and there for all that. Well, maybe I am a loan shark. In other words, I think I gave him more than he can pay me back... not too much but the manner in which it went down, it was obviously self serving and ill-willed. I am responsible and regretful of this angst, but not the feeling that that my loan shark got fed (up). Perhaps no better way to get rid of someone's parasitic behavior by paying them off. Take the loss, swallow the pride and just move on
already.

An Obiviously Shallow Regard

I recently read in a book I bought 'the cries of the poor may not always be just, but if you don't listen to it you will never know justice'. I got in touch with my prodigal younger brother. I found him after searching for him on the Internet. At first I wasn't sure since he used his full name. His display was our father's given name plus his mom's birthright. Even though he is shades lighter than my black complexion, I saw the resemblance in the brow we share. I am not at odds with his true manliness. But am on edge worried that just because I prefer women (obsessed to an angst ridden demise) he may not realize how much I respect him. By the way, the first sentence doesn't have anything to do with him.

Society blanks

I'm at a loss. On a nice day like today I want a chance at
fulfillment. What to do? Sit in a Starbucks and build enough courage
to say hello to someone? Go to a bar and be seen with friends? Call
one of the ladies I know and have that formal date? Best to just sleep
it off and use this energy to make something of the weekend, somehow,
someway.

Angst fear overwhelming

Life and ambition leads to a point where one is capable of achieving ones dreams. Yet what about the people who don't have the same capability and aptitude. The ones who depend on us exploiting our good endevours, steering us towards their selfish and devious aims? It is enough to achieve less rather than be exploited anymore. It is that or rise higher than our parasites would ever dare climb... sign

Puritan

One of those things about living in Japan that I haven't gotten used to... its the way the girls are easy. As a guy I should could be happy about it. But on another level I can't handle it. Maybe I want someone who really cares about me... and how I don't know how to get from an introduction to something real without feeling bad without about other guys. Woman's liberation versus a man's fragile libido. sign

Nowhere fast

I am at odds with what I committed to do, and what I will achieve from it. Fear of manipulation and being taken advantage of again, and execution full of anxiety. However, the upside and end of wasteful spending has great potential.