Rebound

Looks like a rebound is imminent.  I got my own apartment, got a new job that pays me to stay home. Independent. Job that rivals Japan is on the horizon.

Reset

Hey Jack Kerouac

Another ordeal not to be totally outlined here.

Just to say I evacuated Concord like 'Get Out'. And then got dismissed by East Boston. Along the way I discovered Atlanta and Memphis. Now opened minded for the entire country and the globe. 

I also dismissed my family and feel totally free. And I let Noriko go, she did too, totally mutual. Haven't been so alone in my entire life.

But one last gasp of hope are my skills, and getting great calls, but I must make a big move,... can't be helped. Home is not home and move somewhere else and simply be happy and productive. 

The Rich Man and Lazurus

Luke 16:19-31

9 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.

20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 
21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 
23 In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 
24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’
25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 
26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’
27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, 
28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’
29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’
30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

南無妙法蓮華経

What an Ordeal

or·deal

noun

1. a painful or horrific experience, especially a protracted one.

"the ordeal of having to give evidence"

synonyms: unpleasant experience, painful experience, trial,tribulation, nightmare, trauma, hell (on earth),misery, trouble, difficulty, torture, torment, agony

"the hostages survived the ordeal"

Transition

What a whirlwind.

From Yokohama, to Mitaka, to Inokashira Park, to Inokashira, back to Mitaka, to Boston. 

Screwed up by her, neglected, starved, rejected, evacuated. Stalked, walked, begged, starved, drank.

Rejected by my own, insulted, tolerated, evacuated.

Rejected by the localjpgov, begged, evacuated, totalled.

Evacuated, repatriated, assimilated, starved.

Accepted, by family, coops, friends, home. Sigh

Wolf Pack

20 years ago... same angst. Rise above all this.

Go Figure

Took too long to figure this out. Now that's me.

One month alienated, and my girlfriend M.I.A.

She likes it this way. Open this cage, this bird is going to fly free.

Deserted

Feeling like I'm on a desert island. The most stranded feeling I've ever had in my life. Living with my girlfriend who likes the idea I'm her hostage. Leading me on more than ever, owning me like I'm the fool in this relationship (which I am per my most recent tarot card reading). She's been mostly absent, and me stuck in her neighborhood, feeling like I'm stranded on a desert island. No contact with my friends, alienated from community. She asks why can't I be happy to be alone. Pretty sad time in my life, chance I will learn from this with deep certainty. Get back on my own feet and don't let a woman ever bring me down again.

Metropolis Feb 6 - 13

Too good to be true. Too bad too...

"You can feel good about what you're doing. You've tried and tried, putting your heart and soul into something very important. It's not quite time to feel total steadiness, but know the tide has turned in your favor. Use your quiet radar to pulse the latest signals. To say things are in flux is an understatement. Your courage leads the way, but your heart is the command center: Follow what you know to be true, even in the face of deception. Neptune, your ruler, handles both divine love and ultra duplicity. The resources you need are there when you stay on the path of truth, which, by the way, is changing every moment."

Lucid Dream

Archived my letters, threw away the envelopes. Watch an old home movie. Called my dad. Ate red chicken curry at midnight and had a lucid dream. Still in the process of throwing out clutter and old sentimental things that no one but I would care for.